Happy Friday everyone! It is good to be back! I don’t know what happened: one minute I was coming back from a weeklong camping trip with my boyfriend and starting a new job, and then the next minute I blinked and it was…November? That can’t be right….can it?
Now, I have about a gazillion reviews to get caught up on, but I’m jumping ahead to the most recent one that made me come out of a monthlong blog-hibernation — and in this case, that’s not a positive thing. I present to you: The Friend Zone by Abby Jimenez.
Kristen Peterson doesn’t do drama, will fight to the death for her friends, and has no room in her life for guys who just don’t get her. She’s also keeping a big secret: facing a medically necessary procedure that will make it impossible for her to have children.
Planning her best friend’s wedding is bittersweet for Kristen — especially when she meets the best man, Josh Copeland. He’s funny, sexy, never offended by her mile-wide streak of sarcasm, and always one chicken enchilada ahead of her hangry. Even her dog, Stuntman Mike, adores him. The only catch: Josh wants a big family someday. Kristen knows he’d be better off with someone else, but as their attraction grows, it’s harder and harder to keep him at arm’s length.
So here’s the deal about this one: I had been listening to the audiobook and texting two friends daily OMG This book is incredible! You have to read it next! and I just laughed out loud in my car listening to this. I just about had my one friend ready to drop everything and pick this up.
And then I got to the last two hours.
Now, fair warning before we continue on: a There will be spoilers. There will be major spoilers. I’m going to give away beginning, middle, and end stuff.
Okay, carrying on.
As you read from the blurb, Kristen is thisclose to undergoing a hysterectomy because she has the periods from hell and can’t carry on anymore. She’s just waiting until after her best friend’s Sloan’s wedding, since she’s maid of honor and all.
Enter Josh, the best man. He broke up with his longtime girlfriend because she didn’t want children, and he wants a baseball team of kids.
See the problem here? Clearly that is going to be the most dramatic thing in this book. Right?
Two hours left in the book, and Brandon, the fiancé, gets hit on his motorcycle by a driver under the influence. In the ambulance he freaking flatlines (!!!!!!!) and I had to wait to find out that he has a ten-hour surgery and is in a medically induced coma.
Sloan, who hasn’t left the hospital in weeks, is thrilled because he’s responding to her finally, and the next day they’re going to start taking him off some meds. Josh convinces her to go home and finally get some rest.
I’m happy. I’m relieved. I’m finally breathing again.
And Brandon has a stroke and is pronounced brain dead.
And that’s it, boys and girls. I’m sobbing like an idiot in my car and have to pull over because What. The. Eff.
You see, I have one solid rule for romances: I will overlook everything else as long as there is a happy ending. Sure, okay, this forces Kristen and Josh together to overcome the whole children issue, but this. Is. Not. Happy. This is heartbreaking and sending me into a freaking anxiety attack. ROMANCE SHOULD NOT DO THAT!
But wait. There’s more.
The whole “I can’t have children” thing—you know, the plot of the whole entire freaking book?????
The first time Kristen and Josh sleep together, apparently he is so magical, the IUD is pushed out and she gets pregnant immediately.
That’s it. I effing can’t.
I was betrayed, blindsided, and majorly let down by this book. For something that started out so funny and witty, and almost had me instantly preordering the sequel, to end up here…. Yeah, I’m still raging.
But oh yeah: the sequel gives Sloan her happy ending I guess. Which she SHOULD HAVE HAD WITH BRANDON.
There’s literally nothing else I can say about this. Ya’ll….Save Yourselves.